Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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