She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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