Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
