If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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