I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
