I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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