Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ruined the universe
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize