How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
