Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Girls should come with a carfax report
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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