yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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