I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize