Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
