its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
