Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
