Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
