he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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