They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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