I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
