the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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