Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
