and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize