Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
