I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
