omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
