When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize