when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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