It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
