How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
