you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
