i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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