she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
