If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
