I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
