Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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