we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They have beer where we have blood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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