so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
