sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
