You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
