so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize