You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
