She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
