I think I died a long time ago.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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