Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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