You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
