the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
