Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When are your genitals available?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
