True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
