They should really pass out barf bags in church
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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