I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
God, I missed his penis.
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