He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize