How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize