then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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