You really coming over, don't trick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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