Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize