Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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