when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
