So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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