I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
