OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this will be a night to untag.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
