Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
