When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
