I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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