she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
