Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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