wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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