I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
