So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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