My room smells like vodka and shame
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
