mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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