if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
