"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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