I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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