dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
