Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
