I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
