I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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