Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
