New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
