I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
