I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
