forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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