M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
